Am I looking good?

I am on a holiday. And like on any other holiday we have been taking photographs everywhere we go. Photographs of the landscape, photographs of the family, lots and lots of photos of the kids and of course photographs of me! Now I love posing for photos, capturing moments and memories. I love getting the best ones printed and then storing them in photo albums, the good old-fashioned way! This particular holiday however I am having a serious issue. Not with taking photographs but by being in them. This holiday I just don't like the way I look!

It is very depressing. No matter what clothes I wear, what time of the day, whether outdoor or indoors, I just don't end up looking good i.e. look like myself! Like how I used to look a year earlier or even until a few months ago. Honestly until now I thought I could get away looking like a 20+ year old! Why not....friends would often say so and family would readily agree. I would laugh it out and happily pose away in any setting knowing even without looking that it would be picture perfect! Now please don't think that I am trying to boast out here. Yeah probably my friends and family could have been a bit generous, but till now I always took my looks for granted. The body had bloated up a bit during both my pregnancies and needs a bit of oiling and maintenance ever since, but my face.....I had to do nothing special with it.

Photo taken in 2002

And now? When I look into the mirror I am forced to stand and stare at this woman staring back at me. She looks a bit like me but I am sure she doesn't feel as young. Not with those wrinkles crinkling up their way into those sunken cheeks, those brow lines looking so pronounced seems like she is worried all the time or those crows feet already starting to form at the corners of her eyes which give her a warm, friendly 'grandma' look! Who is she and why has she come so soon into my life? Forty is still two years away and at present I don't have the time or the patience to make an attempt at looking good everytime, everyday. On good to normal days I forget about the whole episode thinking positive, telling myself that it is inevitable, that sooner or later we all have to get there. But on bad days specially when I have to dress and look good for a party and when I see this very matured woman in a stunning black sequinned dress, I just don't feel right! That's when I think about the other extreme - surgery! Botox, non-invasive fillers, things that I have read about just out of curiosity more than necessity in the past.
Photo taken in June 2013

For someone like me whose beauty treatments are limited to a standard waxing, mani-pedi and a yearly facial, with a bit of hair colour when the greys get too obvious, surgery seems a long long way off, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it. It reminds me about a time when I couldn't make up my mind about whether I should take an epidural or bear the labour pain during my first child birth. I kept thinking and bearing and bearing and thinking till I had to start pushing and then it was too late for the epidural. Will it be too late for me out here too as I switch between face creams from anti-wrinkle to deep hydrating ones depending on the marketing skills of the sales lady or the latest promotion offered, or should I take my looks more seriously?

But on a day like this as I drive along the road besides my husband, my boys playing happily with their toys at the back, on our way back to London after having a wonderful week-long holiday in Wales, clear blue skies and the warm sun on my face, and with popular Shahrukh Khan songs filling the background, all these minor stresses of life seem to melt away, almost forgotten, as I thank God for keeping us all healthy, happy and safe and more important for giving me the right sense to think so at the right time!
Taken today - August 02, 2013

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